It’s the end of the day and I am sitting against pillows on my bed with my laptop propped on my lap.  I am weary to the core of my being right now.  I have been dreading this day for weeks now and am glad the day’s events are behind me.

My husband and I met my youngest daughter (20 year old college sophomore) today with the primary purpose of giving her a chance to give us some other explanation for some conclusions we were reaching about her behavior.  I had spent some weeks trying to think of some alternative scenario that would make sense but kept coming back to the same conclusion.

I can’t bring myself to put into words what we have been concerned about.  I can only say that I have been a wreck emotionally at the possibility.  During the confrontation with my daughter, she at first gave an impossible explanation and then implicitly admitted to our concerns by “not denying” and then saying that she “was going to live life her way”.

She is making her own choices.  This particular choice is a focus on the lure of what looks like a glamorous life that gives her what she wants. At best, she is going to find that behind the glitz is an unsatisfactory core.   At worst…I can’t even go there in my mind.

All that is left now for me is to accept that for now at least my daughter is jumping heedlessly towards a wonderfully beckoning lifestyle that will harm her.  I can’t stop her.  I can only watch and do what I can to convey to her that I love her even when I don’t agree with her decisions.

I wish I could go to sleep then wake up and realize it was only a bad dream.