Title image: RawPixel “Handcuff”, is Public Domain, licensed under CCO

The last time I wrote a blog (two weeks ago), I sat in a coffee shop and wrote while my daughter was being sentenced to prison in another state. I found out the details several days later when the sentence was posted online. This is the first opportunity I have had to sit down and write about it; I see the irony of the fact that today is also Mother’s Day.

My daughter pled guilty in return for a lesser number of charges (two counts instead of 4 counts). She was then sentenced to prison for two felony charges; one was Grand Theft for ten years and the other was a lesser felony credit card charge for five years. The prior two Grand Theft charges also had their sentences reinstated due to probation violations. All prison times run concurrently with the latest release date in 2034.

I expected around ten years so though still a shock to read it online, the sentence was in line with what the state recommended. I am both relieved that she got what she deserved and sad that the situation came to this.

What surprised me greatly was that she will be up for parole in two years….whaaaaat? I figured she would be locked away for at least half of her sentence. When I obtained a copy of the audio transcript of the sentencing, I understood a little bit more. The judge appeared to take into consideration that so far, the longest she has spent in county jail is ten months and so now two years in prison will still feel like a long stretch to her. Maybe. I suppose the longer someone is a prison inmate, the harder it is to acclimate to the “outside” so perhaps that was the judge’s thought.

I have zero, repeat zero expectation that her prison time will be the last that she will serve. At this point, my expectation is that she will spend the remainder of her life in and out of the prison system. I am fully aware that prison inmates as a group have a hard time getting a job. Every job application asks about any felony convictions. Her criminal record and sentencing is a matter of public record. Yes, she will have a hard time if she puts that on a job application. The thing though is that she won’t put it on a job application and few small business owners will do an online criminal search for a fast food or other entry level position. She will have opportunity to “go straight” but she won’t. Normal is too “boring” for her.

This past week, I read a book written by a sociopath, which gave a perspective into how the author thought/viewed life from a sociopath perspective. It was a fascinating read. The author talked about the thrill of “messing” with people (targets). The need to control, to manipulate, to have power over and to emotionally harm the target was like the need for oxygen to the author. This person used these instances of toying with people as a way to bleed off the need to control others in a non-criminal way. I was horrified at this delight in other people’s suffering at this person’s hands.

While reading the author’s descriptions of thought life and actions towards others, I saw huge similarities in the way my daughter treated the victim she was just sentenced to prison for. I think that I understand my daughter’s motivation better now. She has the same driving need to control and manipulate; this need is also like oxygen for my daughter. The difference between the author and my daughter is that the author stopped short of criminal behavior and my daughter crossed the line.

The key here is that the author made a choice to stop short of criminal behavior to keep the life she liked outside of prison. Carrying that thought process forward, regardless of my daughter’s inner thought life, my daughter could also have made a choice to refrain from criminal activity. It is likely that she would still be manipulating people, particularly young men, and it would be unpleasant for those victims, but at least there could be a choice not to steal.

As the saying goes, “Do the crime, serve the time”. My daughter deserves every bit of the prison time given her. She will likely be paroled after two years but at least society will be protected for that time period. There is a young man out there right now, probably celebrating Mother’s Day with his family, who in two years will be her next victim. I feel sorry for him and would like to see him protected long term from my daughter, however that is unlikely to be the case.

RawPixel “Happy Mother’s Day”, is Public Domain, licensed under CCO

Today is Mother’s Day; families celebrate mothers across the country. Mothers look at their young kids still at home or think about their adult kids with warm memories, love and pride. However…I’m sure there are other mothers like me who have an adult kid in the prison system who feel more pain than pride and may be thinking like I do, “Why do other families get happy endings and I don’t?” If there are any other moms of prison inmates out there, sociopath or otherwise, that run across this blog, I would like to say, “You’re not alone. I’m thinking about the one who went astray too, despite my other kids who are OK.”