My 6-year-old granddaughter loves the Frozen movies; both of them.  She knows “Let It Go” and will sometimes spontaneously sing the song while I’m driving her to or from school.  I think she has an unusually nice voice (or am I biased as the Nana?) and I always listen delightedly to her unselfconscious rendition of the song.  The truth is, I love the song…the melody is stirring and the words thought-provoking.

Don’t we all have to “let it go” at times?  My major struggle with this idea is that I hold on too tight when I should let go, especially when it comes to my kids.  On the other hand, when I do let go, my emotional pendulum can swing too far in the other direction and I am unable to easily swing back.

I need to talk with my son about letting go with respect to his future and though he is in our home right now, let him decide how to move forward with his life.  He has after all, just turned 23 and he should.  My job is over; I think.  He desperately wants to move back out and live his life independently from us.  He has been home for 7 months now and he wants to be on his own again.  I’m all for it but think he should look farther down the road at his goals before impulsively moving out.  How will he support himself and go back to college at the same time?  I worry that he will get stressed and spiral downhill again into panic attacks.  He should stay at home while going to college to take stress off him.  But he is an adult.  I’m still trying to rescue him.  Let it go.

My younger daughter, same age as my son mentioned above, was in our house for about a month before Christmas after a blow-up with her roommates.  She then moved back out of the house and into an apartment with another friend.  She is… in my “very conservative” opinion rather wild and yet I understand that she is a different personality than me.  She has a need to live her life her way without boundaries.  I tried to rescue her 3 years ago and that failed miserably.  After worrying myself into a health scare, I knew I could not emotionally carry the responsibility for her actions and have since then been able to ‘let her go” to make her own decisions even when I don’t agree with them.  I work on loving and supporting her and without trying to put expectations on her being part of family functions… which automatically throws her into a “you can’t make me” mode of behavior.  I think she will eventually find her way; I just wish it would be sooner than later.

My daughter is facing some legal action for extreme DUI…serious.  She would never tell me that; I only know because legal cases are a matter of public record in our state.  I know where to look; I have had plenty of practice from keeping an eye on her older sister.  I let my youngest daughter know that I knew about the DUI case, thinking that might open the door to talking, but she said, “I don’t want to talk about it”.  I have reached out recently and asked her to coffee, asked how she was doing…just trying to let her know I am there if she wants to talk.  I have received no reply so I am a bit stumped.  I think she may be concerned I might try to lecture her as to her conduct.  In my noble ideal of how I would conduct myself over coffee with her, I imagine myself conveying nonjudgmental love and concern.  Of course, I could fail there too and burst out with, “What, are you out of your mind, drinking and driving!  Do you have any idea what this is going to do to your record, employment opportunities, your car insurance, your life in general?”  Unless I am invited by her to talk about it, I need to let it go.

My oldest daughter, about whom I used to write a lot, I have written very little of in the last few years.  Part of that is because after getting out of jail 3 years ago, she went “radio silent” for almost two years except for meaningless “how is the weather” texts.  I perfected the art of “letting go” with her; she was “barely there” on the periphery of my thoughts or my heart.  Then a little over a year ago, she reached out to us and started telling us about her life.  She had a 1-year-old girl; she was back with the young man that she was with before jail and she said she wanted more of a relationship with us.

Fast forward to now, fourteen months later; my oldest daughter is still making concerted efforts to stay in touch with us with pictures, texts and the occasional phone call.  We visited her, the little girl and the young man last summer; they live in another state.  We did like the young man and of course all little kids are cute.  The problem is that I have perfected the concept of “let it go” with her over the years.  I have enveloped my heart in layer upon layer of a strong protective armor when it comes to her.  I think I subconsciously determined not to be hurt again; not to be disappointed again with respect to her.  If I don’t feel, I can’t be hurt.  I see her reaching out and on the outside, I think I am courteous.  I send back emoji hearts to texts; say “how cute” to the pictures of her daughter (that part is easy); I brought little gifts when we went out to visit.  But undo the “let it go” mentality?  Take the protection off my heart?  Be vulnerable?  Take a chance and love her again?  I can’t do it, Lord.  That’s too much risk.  I’m even afraid to pray for help on that because it will be answered and then my heart will be open to being crushed again.  I pretend to myself that being courteous is enough. I keep waiting for “proof” that I can trust her again.  Someday I will have to take a chance.