My siblings, their spouses and kids came in from various locations around the country and gathered in my hometown over Memorial Day weekend.  The reason for our reunion was to conduct a family graveside service for our Mom and inter her ashes with our Dad who passed away a decade ago.

We all wanted to come together to celebrate my mom on one level yet on another level we wanted the day to never come as we feared the grief would become overwhelming again.  When the day came though, we all realized to our relief that though the graveside remembrance was bittersweet, it was more sweet than bitter.

We gathered at the cemetery in a garden setting, reminiscent of the photo above of the famed Luff Garden in London’s Streatham Cemetary.  A low wall surrounded the grassy garden area which was reserved only for “in ground” urns.  My parents’ ground plaque had been updated with my mom’s year of death.  The staff had set up chairs and a table to display pictures and even had a little podium for us to stand behind to give our tributes.

My twin gave a wonderful tribute which was both a eulogy and a charge to all of the grandkids to remember to treasure time with parents though they might seem a little “strange and uncool” now.  My oldest son spoke of how glad he was that he got to spend a lot of time with her in those last 4 months as my mom ended up rehabbing then staying in the skilled nursing center in the city where we live.  My sister’s daughter who loves musical theater and is going off to college this Fall, talked about being influenced by my parents’ love of music, especially opera.  My brother talked about how my mom in her quiet way was really the foundation of our family…in the same sense that the foundation of a house holds up the structure, she held up our family.  It was a poignant metaphor for why we all feel such loss at losing our mom.

I spoke about how mom had been to our family as the mom in “Little Women” was to her girls…always ready with quiet wisdom to sooth hurt feelings or wounded hearts.  I always thought I would like to be like mom in that she hardly ever raised her voice (maybe twice) however alas, I’m pretty sure when all 5 of my kids were home, I was unable to get through the week without raising my voice at least twice.  Ok, I admit it…probably not even a day.

My sister read a poem that both she and my mom loved (mom lovingly tended her backyard garden until her health failed) by William Wordsworth Longfellow about talking a walk and seeing a gorgeous array of flowers that forevermore became a cherished memory.  I shared a poem as well called “Go Run Free with the Angels” as that is how I like to think of her now with my Dad in heaven.

So Go and Run Free

So go and run free with the angels
Dance around the golden clouds
For the lord has chosen you to be with him
And we should feel nothing but proud
Although he has taken you from us
And our pain a lifetime will last
Your memory will never escape us
But make us glad for the time we did have
Your face will always be hidden
Deep inside our hearts
Each precious moment you gave us
Shall never, ever depart
So go and run free with the angels
As they sing so tenderly
And please be sure to tell them
To take good care of you for me.

Author Unknown

 

We all laid roses on Mom’s grave and placed letters written to her, to be sealed in the grave with the urn.  It was our way of talking to mom one last time.  I’m sure God will figure out a way for mom to read the contents of those letters up in heaven.

I am proud of us, of our extended family.  We escorted Mom to the edge of eternity when she lay at the end of her life at the hospice center.  We celebrated last weekend with both tears and smiles when we gathered for her graveside remembrance.  We treasured our time with Mom but we have grieved and let go. We will keep treasuring the time we have with each other, we who are left back here on earth.

“Always in our memories, forever in our hearts”.  We will see you when we cross over, Mom.

P.S. The “other grandmother” of my daughter’s first baby has become a dear friend.  As I write this, she is with her mother who is in the end stage of hospice care now.  My thoughts and prayers go out to her during this difficult time.  Peace be with you as you say good bye to your mom.