My daughter was arrested last Monday, the day after her 22nd birthday.

My husband and I spent the weekend before her arrest out of state with my sister’s family as we attended my niece’s play . She is a high school senior, has been involved in musical theater for many years and will be going off to a small, lovely Northwestern college to study English/creative writing and immerse herself for “fun” in the musical theater program there. She is hard working, intelligent and is as nice as she is lovely; she has a bright future ahead of her.  With every fiber of my being, I wish the same could be said for my daughter, however have come to accept that will likely never be.

I loved watching my niece in her play and spending time with extended family members, however my mind was divided the entire weekend  between being in the present moment and pondering the decision that I knew I had already made…to turn in my daughter. I kept asking myself, “How can I turn in my daughter?”  I kept answering myself, “How can I not?”

She had given an address to her dad to send a birthday package. We had sent a package and knew by some texted comments that she had received it. Her birthday was Sunday and we decided to let her have her birthday and then pass on the address the following day.

I knew that it was possible that she might have given us an address other than where she was living. It turned out that was the case.  The fugitive company showed up under the guise of a delivery company with a birthday balloon and a present and stated that my daughter had to “sign for it”. My daughter was not at the address however the acquaintance who lived there called my daughter who called the supposed delivery person. What became awkward is that my daughter then texted her dad and myself asking about the delivery.

I discussed next steps with the fugitive company and then texted back to my daughter that I was sending her something. This was true, she was getting a balloon and a birthday present…and an arrest warrant. Because I texted back, my daughter arranged to meet the “delivery” at 5:30pm.

In the intervening hours between my text and the arrest, I asked myself the extent I was willing to go to keep her from harming anyone else. If she was harming only herself I probably would not have participated. Because I know that she has repeatedly and coldly robbed her victims and would keep doing so as long as she was free, I helped catch her.

In a way, I think I feel that I as her mother was the appropriate person to do this. I flew to Korea and brought her back. I worked hard to get counseling and then psychiatric treatment for her. Her dad and I both took her to Teen Challenge but when it became obvious that she needed more treatment, I flew her to the mental health treatment facility myself.  While she lived at home, every time I caught her stealing I would make her face her victims and then make amends for her thefts.  I wanted my daughter to be reminded of that so after the arrest I had the fugitive company read a note I texted.  In the note I told her that I was making her face her charges for the same reason that when she was younger I marched her back to face the people she stole from.

In my mind, I see the person who would have been the next victim. That person is safe now because my daughter is behind bars. I paid a high price emotionally though to turn in my daughter. No parent should ever have to bury a child. I can add to that…no parent should have to turn in their own child. I stand by my decision though.  As much as it cost me emotionally I know it was the right thing to do.