Every week I go babysit my daughter’s baby for half a day at the family home of the birth father so that he can go to class, study or just have some time off from being a single dad. The young man’s mother is normally the one who comes to relieve me of babysitting duties. One of the bright aspects of this whole “baby out of wedlock” situation is that our two families have become good friends…after all, we do both have the cutest half Korean half Scottish baby granddaughter you ever saw.

We usually talk for a while and catch up on news before I leave. This past week I happened to be describing the metaphor I use in my mind to separate the “real” person my daughter is and was meant to be from her behavior that we all see on the outside, i.e. her addictions to pathological lying and stealing. The “other grandmother” suggested I write it down.

I use this metaphor in my mind so that I can love who my daughter is deep inside even while I despise her actions. For a while, I had tremendous anger …that’s the bitter part…against my daughter because of the people she had hurt. I finally realized that in my mind I needed to see her the way God sees her…a precious girl who is caught up right now in harmful behavior. I had to pray for a while to be able to see her that way. A castle/dungeon metaphor came to my mind and I was able to finally separate my daughter from her actions.

In my mind, I see a castle. The stonework is solid, unique and built by a master craftsman with loving attention to detail. The exterior is marred right now by grime and is damaged in places though one can tell that the basic structure is lovely and can be so again. One can surmise that the one who is currently in charge of the upkeep is doing a less than adequate job of it.

Going inside of the castle, one is struck again that though the colors are rich, the furnishings are luxurious and arranged with flawless taste, there is an air of disrepair as if the owner has been gone for some time. More than that, there is a sense in the very atmosphere of the rooms that there is something undefinable that is “off”, like an evil spell has been cast on the castle, keeping it from shining forth in its true state.

Down at the end of a particularly long hall in a little used part of the castle, there is a closed door. Behind the door, there are steps leading down into darkness. Down those pitch-black steps to the underground chambers, there is a stone dungeon and at the furthest end of that dungeon, there is a small dark cell barred by a locked iron door. Behind that locked door is the true owner of the castle…my daughter…the young woman she is meant to be, the person God sees. This young woman is thoughtful, a gifted writer, a caring person who loves God and has a heart for others. This person could be mightily used by God to help other hurting, lost girls, if she can only find her way out of this prison.

The tragedy is that my daughter holds the only key and has held the key all of these years, she just doesn’t know that the key will unlock her prison door. The dungeon door is her addictions and it cannot be unlocked from the outside…I know because we tried. We tried the keys of counseling, of psychiatry and powerful mind altering psychiatric medicines and of residential treatment. All of those keys are good and they might unlock the prison door for other kids but they were unable to do so for my daughter.

The key my daughter holds looks dark, heavy and ancient right now. She knows she has it but in the deepest part of her heart she may be afraid that if she tries it, it may not work. She also likely still thinks that there is another way out besides using this old key. Someday…ironically it may be while in a prison cell on earth…she will hold up the key before her eyes. She will put all of her trust in this key, that it will unlock the prison of her addictions. Before her eyes, the key will illumine from within, cast all darkness out of her cell and she will see for the first time that the shape of the key is a cross. It will take all of her courage to use this key, it will be the most difficult thing she has ever done but I believe that at some point she will walk free of the dungeon.

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. I Cor 10:13