Summer

I have been retired now for about 7 weeks from the University where I worked for almost 4 years (after selling our business). I worked my last day on a Friday at the end of May then got on a plane to Amsterdam on Monday. I then spent a magical three and a half weeks in Europe, first with other family members on a Rhine River cruise and then another 15 days traipsing around Switzerland with my husband. Even better, I was still being paid, due to accrued vacation.

Orange clipart showing person walking under a sign that say "Future". The word future is outlined by an arrow pointing to the right. The person is walking in the direction of the arrow.

Publicdomainvectors.org “Bright Future” is licensed under CC0 1.0 Universal Deed

When the last of my pay deposits hit my bank account, the reality of my decision to leave sank in; it was definitely a strange feeling to know that it was the last paycheck I would likely ever get.  It was the right time however; my husband and I are healthy and intend to travel to the greatest extent possible within the constraints of time and money.

It is mid-August now. My husband has a few more weeks left before his retirement, so at the moment, I wave good-bye in the garage as he backs out (continuing what he used to do for me when I left for work each morning) then walk back into the house. Ahead of me then lies the day. Do I go back to bed or curl up with a book or attack my list of things “I have long wanted to do when I had more time”?

Over the last couple of months, I have sampled all three of those options but mostly I have been working on my “to do” list. There is something highly satisfying about going through bedroom closets, our storage room, and our bookshelves, not to mention the deep cleaning that I rarely had the energy to do while working. In these last couple of months, my master bath shower tile has received a serious descaling, and the shelf on my side of my closet now has cute woven baskets which organize my items (copied that idea from my talented designer DIL). The living room rug has now been thoroughly brushed with a pumice stone, which has done a marvelous job of pulling out embedded cat hair that had stubbornly evaded the vacuum.

As I have worked though my list, I have known that there were a couple of tasks that I was avoiding. The first of the tasks I dealt with this past weekend while my husband was out of town. I had dozens (hundreds?) of notes, letters, and other papers related to my oldest daughter’s residential treatment and post-treatment years that I knew I needed to deal with. She finished her treatment at the beginning of summer 2010 which shows how long I have been holding onto some of these papers. Why don’t I just “toss” them? For closure, I have needed to go through them. It was indeed an emotional time to sort through them. I cried as I saw letters of support to my daughter from my mom, gone ten years now and from my husband’s grandmother, gone two years now.

My daughter is in prison right now so clearly her residential treatment did not result in her life having a happy ending, at least from my point of view. After this weekend, I now have all of her papers in chronological order and ready for me to peruse. My thought is that this will be a cathartic exercise for me to go through them then write about my feelings, after which I want to be able to emotionally let go of those papers and dispose of them.

The second task that I was avoiding is this one; starting up my blog again. In my  last year of work, I took on a new Operations position which engulfed my time and left other pursuits on the sidelines. In fairness, I knew it was more than a 40 hour a week job when I took it. I enjoyed building my team while in that role, even if there was little energy left to do anything else. I’m proud of what I accomplished but am happy now to walk away from it and focus on the rest of my life.

 

Going Forward

A path surrounded by green grass that forks just ahead of trees, with one path heading to the left and the other path heading to the right. Blue sky peeks through the trees in the background with the brown dirt initial path in the foreground.

Publicdomainpictures.net “Path of Life” is part of Public Domain CC1.0

I am picking up the blog again. What do I write about first? Do I go backwards and write about events over the last couple of years or just focus on moving forward? I’m unsure about the topics I will choose but will likely choose the ones that I most need emotional closure for. That is how the blog started, so expect I will continue with that.

So, I’m back to writing the blog. I’m still going to write anonymously, except for those who know I am doing this. I will see where this goes. Change is ahead; the future beckons. I’m excited to start on my next chapter in life. I’m nervous too. What is around the corner of the path I am choosing for my life…good, bad…both? Likely both.