At the conclusion of my last post, I made this comment…

I think babies should come with a placard that says “Remember, this baby is unique and is his/her own person, not to be confused with a clone of what you are or wish you were.”

I have been thinking about that comment and how clueless I was as a new parent twenty-something years ago when I held my son, my first born child. I meant well… as most new parents do mean well…but set out from the beginning to raise this child to become the best person he could be. What was the template? Oh that’s right… me. I love books especially classics so at 8 months old I set out to read to him to start molding him into a book lover…just…like…me.

My husband “rejuvenates his soul” by being active out in nature. Through the years, he has challenged himself in various sports…running, cycling, triathlons and now hiking (knees prefer lower impact after years of running). Guess what he made sure our kids did every single year? That’s right, sports. Lots of sports, lots of kids, lots of practices, lots of games. Year round. As I did a lot of the shuttling (mostly soccer), I would periodically point out that the earth would not stop rotating if we took off a season. Being a strong minded personality and because I was obstructing HIS template of molding the perfect kid my words had zero effect. About a year ago, after 13 years of soccer, my youngest son decided to stop playing soccer.  I think it was the hardest on my husband.

We have some dear friends who also had 5 kids, about the same ages as our kids. Their oldest child was a boy as well, about a year younger than our oldest. The wife is a classic highly social extrovert. When her son was very young, maybe 2 or 3 years old, she mentioned once that she was a bit concerned that her son could play for a long time by himself. She was concerned that perhaps he was lacking in the social realm (her subconscious “kid template” was to be socially outgoing). I remember thinking, “Wow, he plays by himself for a long time…sure wish mine did!” It turns out that my friend’s son is just quieter by nature. He is in graduate school right now, getting his Ph.D in Physics. My oldest son on the other hand is the classic extrovert and loves to be around people. (When he was in kindergarten, the worst punishment we could give him was to ground him from playing with his friends.) When he finishes his law enforcement program, he would be a terrific community officer (if there is such a thing still). He would know just about everyone’s name in his community.

Is my friend’s son a classic extrovert? Is my son a booklover? Are any of our kids soccer scholarship winners? No, no and no. They are exactly who they were meant to be (except for the dysfunctional daughter). Our kids have survived our subconscious “perfect kid” templates and the earth is still rotating. Really. It is.