A friend and I took my 15 month old granddaughter to a portrait/photo session at a nearby baby store. The friend…a young woman…used to work in the baby store, knew the photographer and introduced me as the “birth mother’s mom” of my granddaughter. It was the first that I had thought about that terminology and yet realized that it was true. If my daughter is absent from her daughter’s life then my daughter forfeits the “mom” title and has only the “birth mother” title. The young woman then further explained her relationship to the toddler by explaining she was the birth father’s girlfriend.

I have thought about those rather complicated descriptions in the few days since then. Since my granddaughter lacks a mom, who is fulfilling the “mom” role in this little girl’s life? Can that mother role right now be shared by several people? I believe the answer to that is “yes”. In a sense, there are a number of women who are giving my granddaughter a lot of love and nurturing support.

The majority of the “mom” nurturing is coming from the birth father’s mother, a constant in the baby’s life since first arriving home from the hospital. When my daughter left after seven weeks, it was this paternal grandma who stepped in and took nighttime feedings so her son could get enough sleep to concentrate on his college classes. It was a time of crisis and this grandma willingly gave up sleep to help alleviate some of the stress for the birth father in adjusting to the reality that he was now a single dad.

Then there is me, the maternal grandma; I’m going to be called “Nana”. My part is small as I leave our business once a week for a few precious hours of babysitting my adorable little granddaughter. I dearly love my role however small and am delighted when I arrive and she comes willingly into my arms as one of her “trusted circle”. We have started also babysitting her at our house one Saturday a month so that she grows up comfortable in our home.

The young woman with me at the photography studio, the birth father’s girlfriend, has become another nurturing mother figure to my granddaughter, as well as the young woman’s mother…as they spend time at her house as well. It’s a little bitter but mostly sweet to watch my granddaughter cuddle with the girlfriend who ironically is one day younger than my daughter, the birth mother. I see a bond there that my daughter did not show with her own daughter.

As the years go on, I also expect that my granddaughter’s two aunts…my other daughter and the birth father’s sister…will also “be there” as an important part of her life. I expect they will both give nurturing, love and guidance to their little niece.

I do believe that all of the loving care given by the different “mom” figures in my granddaughter’s life combines together to enable her to happily thrive. Exactly the same as a birth mother’s care? Of course it is different. However, if one counts fiercely protective, completely smitten and hopelessly devoted to the most adorable half Korean half Scottish toddler that ever walked the face of the earth, we are all on board.

We are the village and proud of it.